Finding dating advice for men

In searching for the best keywords for my website, I kept coming across David DeAngelo's sites. It seems almost as if he has monopolized dating advice for men. But really, he hasn't. He has made a name for himself (which isn't his real name, by the way, as most pickup artists get AKAs), and I don't discount his advice. His advice does work for some women. But I don't think it works for most women.

Solid dating advice for men

I always believed that we should learn from history. But as history has its mistakes, we must ask ourselves critically: What are our examples? Who can we go to for advice? Where do we seek our models? Without criticism, we can become brainwashed to the "flavor of the month" or the idea of the day. As time goes by, what works for some people is proven not to work for others.

As a human being, you are unique. There is no one out there like you today, never has been in the past, nor will there ever be someone exactly like you. Therefore, there is no one method or technique for meeting women that works for all people to find the joy of lasting romance that people generally seek. Your "technique" must be your own. I'm not saying "just be yourself." I never thought being a bumbling idiot was a good idea if that's what I was at a given moment. However, it is important to know yourself better. Believe it or not, chances are you don't know yourself as well as you should. If that statement makes your pride get defensive, why?

The better you know yourself, the less defensive you feel. Really. Ask the wisest person you can find. The Dalai Lama said,

"Self-discipline, although difficult, and not always easy while combating negative emotions, should be a defensive measure. At least we will be able to prevent the advent of negative conduct dominated by negative emotion. That is 'shila', or moral ethics. Once we develop this by familiarizing ourselves with it, along with mindfulness and conscientiousness, eventually that pattern and way of life will become a part of our own life."

Hey, I think DeAngelo's "cocky-funny" pickup technique is fun. But I would not be inclined to get into anything serious with anyone who uses it to "get to know" me. There is better advice out there. Click the link.

Playing on words

So, this weekend, I got hate mail. It was from a woman who was offended that I use the word "bitch" in the title of my book. This is what I wrote in my book about the word:

When I write bitch, of course, I’m not referring to a nasty woman, though some men like them nasty girls. When you think about it, there’s something positive about a girl who’s called a bitch: She has influence.

Among wild dogs, dominance is not about power. As smaller predators, the dominant dogs in packs must be overseers, striving to maintain the pack’s social structure, which is essential for survival. So, the male alpha dog doesn’t want just any bitch. He wants another overseer.

I have never thought that anyone should refer to a woman, or anyone really, as something profane. But when society begins to accept a profane term jokingly without any intention for irreverence or vulgarity, it's time to lighten up and not take things personally. I use the word "bitch" in it's truest sense, then play with it. The title is tongue-in-cheek.

I don't point my finger at people who don't know how to detach personal experience from a foreign item. To them I say, "Don't judge a book by its cover." Though it is a testament to the way people do take things personally. Some people are so "Introverted" (read Parts 4 and 5 in the book about Introversion) that they have difficulty looking at situations outside themselves without placing internal values on them. It's this kind of thinking that makes everyone else take precaution.

Should I have taken more precaution in choosing the title of my book? Well, I did. And I decided to go with what makes most people laugh. For everyone who doesn't laugh at it: Hey, it's just a play on words. Don't judge me for it.

Who isn't interested in relationships?

Dating and Relationships is practically an industry of its own. The amount of activity on dating websites is astounding compared to earlier in the generation. Many people who date online today in the past thought they'd never do it. Today, online dating is up to status quo.

If we think about why people have come to accept online dating, there are pros and cons, just as there are in almost any social change. The fact that acceptance has come so quickly is a matter of interest. People are interested in dating and relationships. It's the reason why, when the media points attention to it, people listen.

The problem has been that there have been few solutions to meet the needs of the public. Dating websites have marginal success rates in helping people finding true love. For the rest of their members, the search goes on, leaving them with questions unanswered.

My new book, AlphaDog, Get The Bitch You Want: A Man's Guide to Dating, by a Woman, aims to provide some solutions. See the press release on the book on PRWeb.com.

Dating Individuality

When I tell guys I wrote a book called AlphaDog, Get The Bitch You Want, some guys have questions that they ask me. The difficult part is that for every similar question there is about how to get the girl, there are innumerable answers. Unless there's time to sit with each person, learn about his situation, learn something about his object of interest, and provide useful information or suggestions, there's no way to really help. I guess that's why pickup tactics are popular. They can be quick solutions to somewhat superficial problems.

It seems like more and more people just want to have meaningful, long-lasting relationships. Getting laid seems less important. Since people know that superficiality is disastrous for deep relationships, going beyond the pickup is the knowledge they seek.

Without getting philosophical, the answers are deep within us. We know deep down what's right and wrong. The problem, however, is that sometimes we fail to step back and look at ourselves to see what other people see. That's what pride does--keeps us from seeing our true selves. Stepping back is the beginning of getting to the answers we want in our search for love. It takes us from the question, "What am I missing," to "What do I see in myself," to "How can I change that," to discovering the answers.

That's not to say that guys need to change. Everyone needs to change. I need to change. Women need to change, too. The issue is that when our lives are not where we want them to be, we might be missing valuable lessons on personal growth. The truth is, we can never stop growing as human beings. Hokey as it sounds, that's how life is. Accept it.

The question I like to ask guys is this: "How well do you know yourself?" It can be a difficult question to answer. Answering, "Well enough," is not a qualified response. But if a person can laugh about himself and respond candidly, in my opinion, he's better off than a suave pickup artist with shallow relationships.

Everyone is different. Everyone's perfect match is also different. Therefore, there are no easy answers to finding love. It's a journey. Think of it as adventure.