Finding a wingwoman who will help you meet attractive women is like finding a model with enough intelligence to, say, host a T.V. show. Well, Anna Nicole Smith (R.I.P.) hosted her own show, sort of. It's difficult and easy depending on a lot of factors. The good thing is that you can find someone to be your wing just about anywhere. No matter where you seek, here are some criteria of a good wingwoman:
1. She must be extroverted. If you've read my book, you know there's a difference between having an Extroverted personality type and being outgoing. A good wingwoman might not have an Extroverted personality type, which means she naturally prefers being around people to doing things at home. But if she's an outgoing Introverted type, she might lose steam as midnight approaches. In that case, some incentives, say, a few Jacksons, might motivate her enough to hang tight with you for that girl you want to meet.
Natural Extroverted personality types get energy from being around people. An incentive like some free food is enough to convince her to hang out with you.
2. She must have social grace. To find this out quickly, talk about a sensitive topic with her, like how women deal with PMS. A seriously defensive girl might be difficult to work with, but a girl who makes light of a "sensitive" subject will be fun. (I don't think PMS is that sensitive myself, but a lot of women feel strongly about it. Abortion is another topic to test sensitivity.) A girl who makes light of things shouldn't take winging too seriously, and will be able to make the male-female connection possible with her sense of humor.
3. She must have the ability to charm AND understand guys. A woman who charms a man doesn't necessarily get along with other women. But a woman who understands what makes a man tick will know how to get on women's good side. Women want to know about men as much as men want to know about women. So, a wingwoman who can talk frankly about men to other women will win a woman's approval.
The danger in getting a woman who doesn't understand why sports are so engaging, for example, will get caught up in girl talk. But a woman who can reason with another woman why a man should be given a chance--she's platinum.
A good wingwoman doesn't have to be as attractive as the woman you want to meet. In fact, it might be easier to meet her, since the target woman won't feel as threatened by her as with a beautiful wing. Though, if your wing is really good with charm, she can do anything, even if she's drop-dead gorgeous. Likewise, if a woman is plain-looking, she might have the charm that can tame lions.
If you want someone really good, paying a wingwoman with experience something like, say, $30 bucks an hour to start (if you're in NYC) is reasonable. (I would think San Fran is similar due to rent prices there. LA could probably go to $25.)
Of course, there are other things to consider when seeking a good wingwoman. It really depends on what you're comfortable with. If you're a dive bar rat with no charm yourself, and you're seeking swanky women, even an expert wing can't help you hook up. A good wingwoman will tell you like it is. If you need to practice speaking naturally around women, there is little a wing can do to help you get where you want to go. She can help you get practice being around women, but don't expect miracles. But if you're confident enough, a wingwoman with the above criteria can make your evening a blast.
Thanks to Peter of Gotham Jiujitsu (gothamjiujitsu.com) for inspiring this article.
August 27, 2009
August 20, 2009
Why would an expert need help?
Last night, hanging out at my favorite local watering hole, I overheard two guys talking about dating. Perfect opportunity for a wing girl. Unfortunately, they weren't pleased with my, or a woman's, perspective. I showed them my book, subtitled "A Man's Guide to Dating, by a Woman," yet their reaction was arrogantly charged.
I let them flip through the book, to which other people have laughed out loud reading, and let them alone, continuing the conversation with the person I was with--incidentally, my boyfriend. Though I didn't pay attention to what they said to each other, I noticed that neither of them laughed. Glancing over, I could see them sneering and rolling eyes. Clearly, two guys who didn't "need" a dating guide.
Though the two guys weren't ugly-looking, their attitudes were the biggest turnoff any woman would see. Go figure, there were none around them.
I let them peruse the book as long as they wanted until one of them discourteously tossed the book back at me sliding it across the sticky bartop. Nice.
If you were new and green at a job, you wouldn't act arrogantly as if you knew everything. You wouldn't shun the advice of people who had been there longer or were good at what they did. Why should a person have an arrogant attitude if his or her dating life sucked? These guys at the bar were clearly disgusted by their dating lives, yet behaved like "experts." Yet even a true expert doesn't have a pass to behave like an asshole.
Nobody who is successful with what he or she does got success without someone else's help. With dating, that help can come about in a number of different ways. For me, someone had to show me how arrogant I was in order for me to stop behaving so with a date. Someone else had to show me to stop being bossy. Another person taught me to be less rough (I'm a tomboy) and be gentle when appropriate.
At one point of the evening, my boyfriend went outside for a smoke. Then one of the guys asked what happened to my "date."
I replied, "That's my boyfriend."
"I know," he said.
No, he didn't. If he knew that was my boyfriend, why did he say "date" and not "boyfriend?" Granted, my boyfriend and I were having a date, just as we do almost every night. Yet the audacity of this guy prevented him from being honest to himself: His dating life sucks and he's too prideful to say it. Instead he complains and casts blame on women.
When my boyfriend came back, he did his usual thing of squeezing my right trapezius, then leaning in for a kiss. How disgusting. The guys got up and moved.
Even an expert in any field is not beyond the help or suggestion of other people. No one person can know or understand everything. So, even if your dating life is going great, be open to feedback and to others' perspective. Doing so will at least widen your horizons and might give you insight you didn't perceive before.
I let them flip through the book, to which other people have laughed out loud reading, and let them alone, continuing the conversation with the person I was with--incidentally, my boyfriend. Though I didn't pay attention to what they said to each other, I noticed that neither of them laughed. Glancing over, I could see them sneering and rolling eyes. Clearly, two guys who didn't "need" a dating guide.
Though the two guys weren't ugly-looking, their attitudes were the biggest turnoff any woman would see. Go figure, there were none around them.
I let them peruse the book as long as they wanted until one of them discourteously tossed the book back at me sliding it across the sticky bartop. Nice.
If you were new and green at a job, you wouldn't act arrogantly as if you knew everything. You wouldn't shun the advice of people who had been there longer or were good at what they did. Why should a person have an arrogant attitude if his or her dating life sucked? These guys at the bar were clearly disgusted by their dating lives, yet behaved like "experts." Yet even a true expert doesn't have a pass to behave like an asshole.
Nobody who is successful with what he or she does got success without someone else's help. With dating, that help can come about in a number of different ways. For me, someone had to show me how arrogant I was in order for me to stop behaving so with a date. Someone else had to show me to stop being bossy. Another person taught me to be less rough (I'm a tomboy) and be gentle when appropriate.
At one point of the evening, my boyfriend went outside for a smoke. Then one of the guys asked what happened to my "date."
I replied, "That's my boyfriend."
"I know," he said.
No, he didn't. If he knew that was my boyfriend, why did he say "date" and not "boyfriend?" Granted, my boyfriend and I were having a date, just as we do almost every night. Yet the audacity of this guy prevented him from being honest to himself: His dating life sucks and he's too prideful to say it. Instead he complains and casts blame on women.
When my boyfriend came back, he did his usual thing of squeezing my right trapezius, then leaning in for a kiss. How disgusting. The guys got up and moved.
Even an expert in any field is not beyond the help or suggestion of other people. No one person can know or understand everything. So, even if your dating life is going great, be open to feedback and to others' perspective. Doing so will at least widen your horizons and might give you insight you didn't perceive before.
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