Pickup strategies vs. the AlphaDog way

What's the difference between pickup strategies and the AlphaDog strategy?

There are 3 things a person needs to successfully use pickup strategies:

1. An attractive look;
2. Visible confidence;
3. An understanding of social dynamics.

Being attractive

Schools that teach pickup techniques will explain that in order to get a girl's phone number the first time you meet her, you have to present yourself well. It's a good teaching, and definitely necessary if your goal is to get a phone number. But it's not always necessary to look your absolute best.

Sometimes, there's an opportunity to meet a woman at a seemingly inopportune moment. For example, like after just getting beat up. (Okay, that's extreme, but I like those kinds of examples.) You'd look awful, right? To a woman, you'd also look vulnerable-- a difficult position for lots of guys-- and that can be an opportunity to show a woman who you are on the inside. The inside is what a lot of women care to see, anyway. Then all it takes is reading her body language that says, "Are you okay?" Then, it's an opportunity. You can answer her non-verbal question with, "The guy who punched me was really big," or something like that. Hey, I'd laugh at that.

Visible confidence

Visible confidence is one of those things that pickup artists thrive on. If you appear confident, women will be attracted. Okay, but visible confidence doesn't always mean a guy is secure with himself. A cocky and funny guy might look like he's under control, but sometimes underneath is a stockpot of bubbling issues waiting to boil over.

Here's a fact: Everyone has issues. So, the superficial display of "I'm so secure" will only go so far. Yes, it can result in getting phone numbers, but it won't help you work through relationship problems down the line. Instead, have a quiet confidence. Be proud of who you are, but don't boast. Acknowledge your weaknesses and be happy with your strengths. That doesn't mean tell your date about all your problems, but it does mean be honest about who you are. Hidden issues might affect the relationship badly. Though, your candidness might enable her to work with you in spite of your problems. That doesn't mean she has to "fix" you, but it does mean having a partnership.

Social dynamics

This is one of those things that gets better through practice and meeting lots of people. Ever watch a video of a master pickup artist at work? How does he know what to say? Social dynamics takes an understanding of people and what makes them tick.

But if you don't like meeting a lot of people, growing in your ability to shoot the breeze with anyone isn't going to matter to you. If you're an AlphaDog, however, it won't matter. Hey, everyone can benefit from learning the art of being social, but not everyone cares to. What really matters is finding the person who you will be comfortable with. That's a matter of knowing your own personality and seeking out a personality that suits you.


Hey, there's nothing wrong with pickup techniques. I think they're quite fun. But they're not the answer to starting every relationship. For more on this, check out the book. :)

Cool guys rock

Last night I spoke to a couple guys at the local watering hole. One of them is married, and the other one, in a relationship. The married guy (let's call him Chris) remembered a previous conversation about my book and told his friend (Jim) about it. Chris seems to think that Jim needs to think more about his young relationship with his girl.

But when having a conversation with Jim, he seemed to be quite level-headed and understanding. He admitted to having a desire to procreate and wanting to do so with a woman who was right for him. He had had long-term relationships before, and had no trouble pinpointing potential issues. Yet this girl didn't have those issues, he claimed.

Jim is the kind of person who analyzes situations logically preventing previous negative experiences from swaying his judgment. He also has a sober perspective of his self. While he usually spends time with his girlfriend in the quiet of home, he also enjoys being out late with his male buddies. And while he tends to use logic before feelings to make decisions, he also is aware of his feelings and does not ignore them.

Jim is a well-rounded individual. He's an example of someone who naturally behaves like an AlphaDog. He knows himself well enough to know what he wants in a companion while considering the big picture and the long term.

As for Chris, he's a good friend looking out for his buddy. He's also in a happy relationship and wants to make sure his friend benefits from a compatible romance. That's also alpha.

After meeting a bunch of single guys who think knowing the "Rules of The Game" is the way to meet women, it's refreshing to meet guys who don't just live by their libido. These guys use logic and acknowledge their feelings. That's cool.

Women like men who use logic AND acknowledge their feelings. ;)