Getting back ON IT

Wow. I haven't posted on here in over a year.

Lately, though, I've gone through some major life changes which I talk about a bit in a post on DatingThoughts.com. It's not easy to be vulnerable, but once out, sharing some personal information is quite freeing, especially when the cause of the change is due to a worldwide tragedy.

That said, I'm happy to announce that I'm back on it. Sunday, I ride upstate to meet with a guy who wants some date coaching. Excited to see what will come of that. I've also recently been approached about being a social psychological consultant for a game.

There is nothing like doing what you enjoy doing as work. For me, it's even better understanding why I enjoy what I do. Namely, being around people. As an Extravert, being around people is a great joy and source of inspiration and energy.

Please comment, ask questions, post thoughts, share! We are a part of humanity and like specks of dust in the universe – finite individuals in an infinite world.

One small act of kindness

Sometimes, the smallest act of kindness goes beyond being a nice guy.

The subway was slow. Normally the ride takes no more than 20 minutes, but this day it took twice the time. People were not happy. In spite of this, as the train car became more crowded, a guy who was sitting next to me got up and offered his seat to a woman.

Now, you might think this woman was pregnant or drop-dead gorgeous. She didn't look preggers, nor was she the type to appear in fashion magazines. She was simply a woman who got on the train.

This guy didn't hesitate.

I had been sitting next to him for at least 10 minutes. Except for a sigh of exasperation due to the slowness of the subway, he sat inconspicuously and I didn't pay attention to him. But the moment he got up and offered his seat, he came into focus. And it wasn't just me that noticed. Across the way, another guy saw. And like that Liberty Mutual commercial about paying it forward, he also moved to let someone else have a seat.

I also noticed that this guy wasn't bad looking either. Wow, a decent-looking guy who's considerate of strangers? If I were still single, I would have worn the look of having been charmed.

It didn't have to be an average woman that he offered his seat, but on the New York City subway, it doesn't happen often. A pregnant woman, an old person, or an injured person, it's expected. (Though most people sitting on the subway are too selfishly indrawn to notice even those people.) Maybe the guy saw how tired she looked, or maybe he's just a real gentleman with a mama who taught him well.

Whatever the motivation, the action proves that one small alpha decision can impact the surrounding world.

Tips for Career Success

A short article for those struggling for work in this economy.

The interview process is half the battle in achieving employment. The other half is keeping a good job.
Here are three tips for success:

1. Take initiative

   On the job, you might see something that needs help or improvement. Rather than expect someone else to fix it, do it yourself. It might be as simple as replacing the empty jug on the water cooler, or it might be something with greater impact, like introducing an idea to make workflow more efficient. Some initiatives can be done with autonomy. Others, such as a good idea, might be better off discussed with people you can confide in, such as your boss or colleagues.

2. Keep an open mind

Consider other people’s perspectives, and don’t expect others to understand what or how you think. There are many different kinds of personalities, and many different ways of seeing situations. Some people like to focus on small details and others like to see the big picture. Differences in perspective are often the basis for arguments, which can be real time-wasters. Take time to listen and think carefully so that you can work cooperatively.

3. Be proactive

Often following initiative, proactivity is productivity. Don’t wait around for direction, and don’t wait for accolades or credit, even for that great idea you proposed. Focus on being productive. Everything you do, even if it’s working for someone else’s company, is really for yourself. It’s your experience and your career that you’re building. Don’t wait for someone to tell you what to do. Figure out what needs to be done, take initiative and do it. If your proactivity doesn’t fly with the boss, figure out what you can do to maintain productivity.

Losing a job can come with bad feelings, but such a situation could actually be an opportunity. Think about what you can improve: your skills, your work ethic, or personality compatibility. (Sometimes we have to adjust our behavior to get along with others.) Don’t spend too much time worrying about the past. Rather, take what you’ve learned and use that knowledge at your next job. It’s better to admit your mistakes—which everyone makes—than try to hide them.

Wing Girls Make "Great" Girlfriends

Maybe I'm blowing my own bubble, but I asked my boyfriend and he thinks it's okay that I write about the wing girl-"great girlfriend" paradigm. I'll try to be brief.

You might already know, or can easily guess, why a wing girl would make a "great" girlfriend. So, maybe this is really for all the girls out there seeking a significant other.

Here's the short list:

1. Wing girls 'got your back

They look out for others' benefit. It's a pretty selfless act to speak on behalf of another in order to win the listener's favor for someone else. That tendency for a wing girl to look out for friends is a clear indication of the girl's altruism. That, according to the AlphaDog book, is like an alpha dog. It might not feel natural at first to do something for someone else that you would normally do for yourself-- i.e., make a pickup. But once you experience the reward that comes with selfless acts, getting into a habit of looking outward isn't far beyond.

2. Wing girls just want to have fun

Lightheartedness is a key attribute men love. Ladies, if you have a hard time lightening up but you agree with this statement, maybe it's time to get radical about whatever personal issues are holding you back from enjoying life to the fullest. Life is too short to hold onto bitterness, sorrow, or regret. Learn from life's experiences and move on. Look around. I see young men and women regularly who lost limbs in Iraq and Afghanistan. Maybe you lost a part of your soul from a terrible incident. This doesn't mean that you can't get back your dignity. This is part of the balance of life. Deal with the issues, get over them, and learn to enjoy life.

3. Wing girls empathize

In order for a wing girl to really help someone else, she has to understand what that person thinks or feels. She has to be in touch with that person enough to meet his or her relationship needs. That means being a good listener, putting aside personal issues or problems to focus on the other person, and making an effort to understand his or her perspective. It also means not assuming before listening what the other person thinks. Presumption is the greatest barrier to empathy. Typically, we might think of a guy to only be interested in food and football. But he has feelings too. He probably prefers not to discuss them, but he has them. Just because he has more testosterone, which has been scientifically proven to play a factor in anti-social behavior, doesn't mean he is not affected by emotions. So, ladies, be sensitive to men. Pay some attention and try to understand where men come from.

Conclusion

So, ladies, if you're wondering what you can do to increase your man magnetism, remember these three things. Be more selfless. Be lighthearted, not just when you're having a good time, but also amidst day-to-day drudgery. Be empathetic.

And guys, it can work for you, too.